On Being Me

I am not a stay at home mom. I played the part of a stay at home mom once when I was fortunate enough to spend almost 6 months home with my kids on maternity leave, but I am not a stay at home mom. I am fortunate enough to have a great job, which I love. That job just happens to have great benefits, comfortable working conditions, and good hours for raising a family. (Did I mention I also love my job?) What I wouldn’t give to spend more time with my kids. They are, after all, the most wonderful things I have ever done. But, I love my job. I worked hard - went to college for 7 years to train for my job. My job has purpose. My job has merit. My job is to help those who are desperately in need of help. To help them develop tools they will use throughout their entire life. I teach them to communicate - effectively. I love my job.

My dad took me to a movie a couple of months ago. He asked Uma to watch the kids and took me out to a movie. I only texted her once during the movie to make sure that the kids were okay. I only texted her once on the way home. Its not that I don’t trust her, its just that they are mine to worry about… and I do. Dad told me that he doesn’t carry his cell phone around like he used to. He retired in 2007 from a long, strong career in the railroad. He is enjoying NOT being called upon 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to fix this, or problem-solve that. He says that running a railroad has made him no longer desire being connected 24/7 via cell phone. I told him that being a mom, is kind of like running a railroad.

I take issue with people who judge me for being a working mom. Living in those shoes is very difficult. When Natalie was born, we were both working to put Riley through college. We were definitely not in a financial position to be a one-income household. And, we are still paying for college careers, loans from divorce, reliable vehicles to transport us each 30+ miles per day to our jobs, medical bills from two c-sections and two ear-tube placements in the last 3 years… the list goes on…

Recently an acquaintance, who is a stay at home mom, related that she was in need of some relaxation. I suggested she get a baby-sitter and go out, or read a book, or take a bath… all things I might try in the same situation. She replied that she did not believe in baby sitters. That if there is somewhere that she can’t bring her three girls, she doesn’t go. Its all in the choice of your lifestyle. I don’t judge any mother for the choice of working or not working. I think, as women, we have fought long and hard to choose for ourselves whether we work, bear families, or both. This aforementioned discussion took place on Facebook. Her comment spurred comments from her ‘friends’ about how they couldn’t believe how people cast off their children to any old person to watch them. Excuse me if that offends me. I did not judge you for wanting to be with your kids 24/7 - that’s just not for me.

And, I know working moms. I know stay at home moms and the decision is not taken lightly by any of them. Its a decision a family makes based on what is best for them. One friend was a teacher. She continued to teach to put her husband through school while her first daughter was young. He graduated, bought a business and they relocated. She has been able to stay home with her two girls since then. She has been on both sides of the fence. Another friend used to do research for cancer. A strong, smart, female scientist. She currently stays home with her wonderful girls, but plans to return to work at some point to continue her important job. Another friend went to school to teach and is currently raising her kids at home. She will return to work when her youngest starts school and looks forward to beginning her career at that time. Other friends have had to return when their dear little babies were but 6 weeks old… or 12 weeks old… or 2 weeks old… I do not judge.

I love every minute of time I get to spend raising my kids (okay, maybe not every minute). I see them through their milestones and trials. They are well-loved, well-adjusted little people in this world. I am a working mom. And I am proud of who I am.